Mid-Pandemic Ranting Update

They say to maintain a successful blog, one must publish one post a week at minimum with a strong preference towards daily postings. I fear that I may be a bit behind in that regard. So, in a desperate effort to salvage this writing project (as well as my own declining mental prominence), I owe you all a new post.

With that said, I think given the current global health situation, I am free of some blame. My last post was in April, almost immediately after the start of the imposing quarantine, and to be frank, things have only gotten worse. Since that last post there have been numerous calamities. And so, instead of enlightening you on the benefits of wearing sunscreen or detailing the process of making a good fruit smoothie, I'm going to angrily rant about the ongoing shit show that keeps our daily lives preoccupied and anxious.

We are still in the midst of a literal pandemic; a crisis that America has blissfully turned into a nonstop comedy of errors. While other countries such as South Korea and Japan quickly jumped on board with wearing masks, social distancing, and maintaining safety protocols, America (the knuckle-dragging cretin that we are) decided that coughing into each other's mouths would be the new national sport. Instead of listening to the experts and scientists (a point that I hammered on a few months ago), we let talking head pundits with brains like ball bearings do the decision making. I believe we could have let a koala in a bow-tie chew up Scrabble tiles and shit them out into better policies.

Mask wearing went from being a mild inconvenience that could literally save someone's life to a political issue all because someone didn't want to smudge their Cheeto-tinted bronzer. Seriously, wear a mask. Get a black one and pretend you're a Mortal Kombat character. Even many of those that wear masks don't do so properly. Ensuring your mask is pulled over your mouth and nose is easier than tying your own shoes. (At the rate that I have seen masks worn improperly, I really ought to buy stocks in Velcro sneakers.) 

Social distancing is about effective as a solar-powered flashlight because college co-eds can't fathom the possibility of forgoing a weekend of hard seltzers on the needle-riddled and semen-stained beaches of Fort Lauderdale. My social media feeds are inundated with videos of mouth-breathers in places like Nashville and Michigan boldly boasting about their ever-effective immune systems while similarly showing the poxed consequences of a slew of untreated STIs. Meanwhile here at home, I can't walk into a store without strangers attempting to see how close they can legally get to me. Personal space invaders have become intimate area raiders, dashing in close in coughing fits to spook me at every possible occasion.

Safety protocols have more or less been thrown out the door as people with Tucker Carlson shrines in their bedroom closets prate about "the economy" as if this faceless entity is going to descend down in the form of a bearded guy with sandals and take them away to capitalist heaven (don't forget to pay the entry fee at the Pearly Gates). Economies recover, dead people don't. Well at least as far as we know. If the dead start walking again, I'm sure we will have bigger fish to fry. Fortunately I've seen enough Romero films to know that if zombies rise, we'll more likely be victims of our own hubris.

Murder hornets were (are still?) a thing. Which really could have been called something different. You don't get to put a felony and an animal together into some terrifying portmanteau and then just forget about it. Just glad it wasn't sexual assault grizzly bears or loitering salamanders.

I shaved my quarantine 'stache. I can hear you sighing "thank gosh" from here. But it did look pretty darn good there for a while. Initially I had a nice little handlebar deal, which was shaved into a more natural look (that was bad...), then finally a pencil 'stache. Not to toot my own horn here too much, but I looked ravishingly debonair with that bad boy. Unfortunately in a moment of weakness and perceived catharsis, I shaved it off. I suppose my lack of ascots and smoking jackets forbid me from really keeping it going.

On a far more serious note, China is committing a modern and quite literal Holocaust against the Uyghurs while similarly outshining 1984's Party in terms of totalitarianism (not that difficult a word to pronounce). America is violently spinning around the drain of fascism as anonymous federal agents kidnap peaceful protesters, COVID information and statistics are being suppressed, and criminal sentences are being commuted. I could keep going, but I can only swallow so much sadness and tragedy at a time ("phrasing"). Fortunately we are seeing a decline in the popularity of the Confederate flag (*traitor), Ghislane Maxwell was arrested, and Kanye quickly ended his presidential campaign.

I will post again soon with more uplifting news and panem et circenses in my efforts to entertain and stay creatively cognizant.