Brokeback Mountain or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love

I figured that with it being the next most consumerist holiday behind Christmas - Valentine's Day - it is only appropriate that I write a little bit about love. My own, in a movie, in general, and the meaning of it.

Naturally you will have to take all this with a grain of salt (or perhaps a full shaker) as I am speaking from the perspective of a (mostly) straight guy who has truly been in love maybe once. Vastly experiential background, I know. Yet I have read quite a few books in my time, many of which contained love story arcs, as well as seen many a romantic movie (Do I hear The Notebook?). I've even had the pleasure of lending friends my unqualified relationship advice, which sometimes works well on occasion. Furthermore, I have had the good fortune to grow up in a household with two parents who love each other dearly (Thanks Mom and Dad).

Partially on a whim, partially on recommendation, and partially to get into the spirit of the holiday, I made the decision to borrow Brokeback Mountain from the library. The film that inspired ripples of juvenile laughter in the halls of middle and high schools across America. And yet I'm sure that so few of us, despite our constant snickering and allusions to others being gay cowboys, ever actually sat down and watched the movie. The bulk of my knowledge going into the film was, like many others: a movie about gay cowboys. I finally decided to right that wrong in my own life.

I say this, now having finished the movie, it is the most poignant tale of true love I have ever had the good fortune to see. And the first movie to make me cry in a long time (It's 2020, boys; nothing wrong with shedding some tears).

Brokeback Mountain (2005)

Starring the dapper Jake Gyllenhaal and the tragically taken too soon Heath Ledger, this movie is the ultimate dramatic romance. It is the story of two men, whose friendship and affection for each other grows into a lifelong bond of love (it's been out for 15 years, I'm going to forgo the spoiler tags).

Starting in the year 1963, when homosexuality was illegal in many American states, two young men become close friends while herding sheep in the mountains of Wyoming (on one called Brokeback Mountain). Initially opposed to each other, a sense of endearment slowly builds. In a drunken climax (get it?), they break down and make love (and by that, I mean they sloppily screw after a bottle of whiskey). This inebriated tryst becomes so much more as they spend more time together. By the time they finish their herding for the summer, they have developed a serious bond.

The men part ways at the end of the summer, afraid to recognize their feelings for each other and moving on with their lives. Going separate ways, one to Texas, the other to his fiancee in Wyoming, they do not meet again for four more years. Both married, one with children, the men immediately rekindle their relationship. (Seriously, the movie has been out for 15 years. I'm not holding your hand through these spoilers.) Meeting secretly every few weeks and months, time and life continues forward. Their lives grow, fall apart, are rebuilt, but they never stop seeing each other. Finally the movie ends when (I'm kidding, I'm not that bad).

Brokeback Mountain is a brilliant romantic drama that challenges what it means to love. It is not fairy-tale romance where Prince Charming rescues the princess (well, maybe prince) and everyone lives happily ever after; it is a heart-wrenching tale of two men fighting for their love against their own personal demons, against society, and most importantly against each other. This movie shows us that love is not perfect, but it is worth fighting for. So get out there, shake up your Kinsey scale number, and watch a phenomenal movie on this day dedicated to love and overpriced chocolate.

A Brief Word on LGBT

Once again, another disclaimer about who I am. Straight, white, man, yadda yadda yadda. I am not qualified to speak on behalf of the LGBT community, but as someone who has a fair number of gay friends (I'M NOT RACIST, I HAVE BLACK FRIENDS) and considers themselves an ally, I would still like to say a few words (easier to ask forgiveness than permission). 

Brokeback Mountain is set in 1963 up to 1983, a time when homosexuality in America was ILLEGAL. This is made abundantly clear by the men's fears of being assaulted or killed for who they were (both tragically realistic possibilities). 

In fact, same-sex sex (under the insultingly crude name of sodomy) was not made federally legal until 2003. If you are straight, imagine that for a moment. Imagine getting laid (with another consenting adult) quite literally being illegal. America did not legally recognize gay marriage until 2015 (I remember it vividly because a trashy newspaper used the headline "US-GAY?!" which is in brutal honesty, hilarious). At one point in my life, I was of the notion that gay people should be able to get married, but we shouldn't call it marriage (thanks Christian upbringing for that one). Obviously my view on the matter has changed drastically.

People in the United States who identify as LGBT have been under attack for a very long time, and still are. Last year was the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall Uprising, arguable the first organized LGBT demonstration against discrimination. Police violently raided a known gay bar and were met with heavy resistance by the community. A true milestone in LGBT history.

So I want to make this abundantly clear. Anyone who believes gay people shouldn't be allowed to marry, or engage in sexual relations (that is such a strange phrase), or even believes gay people should be subjected to therapy/conversion camps/torture, I mean this from the very bottom of my heart: fuck you.

What is Love?

Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more.

Defining love is tough. It does not have a single phrase that can be applied across the board. It is a complicated, often bothersome emotion that leaves us feeling confused, euphoric, and questioning everything about ourselves.

(You know how they say the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach? That is actually inaccurate, it's through the rib cage.)

People like to bring up the fact that Eskimos (e.g. Inuits, Yupiks, etc.) have 50 words for snow. (WOW! 50 words! That's crazy! It's almost like English does that too... Ya know: snow, sleet, powder, frost, blizzard, slush, and so on). Well the Greeks had six words for love (or seven, or eight, or some number more than one).

Agápe

The love of God (god.) Best we skip this one.

Xenia

Hospitality, the love you show for your guests and vice-versa. By this, we might mean how you keep mentioning "how late it's gotten" yet your mother-in-law HAS NOT LEFT YET, IT'S ALREADY 9:30 PLEASE JUST GO. Or perhaps when you clog your friends toilet because the Taco Bell boxes are only five bucks so you had three (pay me, Taco Bell) you better search high and low for a plunger and do everything in your power to fix that mess.

Philautia

Self-love (and I don't mean that, get your minds out of the gutter). Love yourself, every square inch of your self, every little flaw and idiosyncrasy, every scar and blemish, every up and down, all of it. We get one life here (arguably) and it doesn't last a terribly long time, don't waste it by hating yourself. Overweight? Eat better and work out. Sad? Seek counseling and proper treatment. Mean? Quit being such a dick.

Storge

The love of your parents and the love of your children (can also be applied to your cat). Once again, I am fortunate enough to come from a loving family, not everyone does. You don't have to love your parents, they might be straight up assholes. "Blood is thicker than water" is actually "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." We make our family, and sometimes our blood relatives aren't family.

Philia

Brotherly love (or sisterly). This is the love for friends. The bonds forged in the crucible of hardships, of tough times, of fun and wild adventures. The men and women, the boys and girls you spend your days with. Or whenever your freshman year roommate is assigned.

Éros

This is it. The big one. The real L word (E word?). This is true love. Intimate love. Love for beauty, within and without. This kind of love crosses all boundaries. When you truly love someone, when it physically hurts to be away from them, when you would fight any battle for them, when your heart flutters and you can't stop yourself from smiling when you see them, this is what you are feeling. 

This is the love between husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, and even just friends (Plato's eponymous love). It doesn't mean lustful sex and shallow ravishment, it is about emotions that run deep in your veins.

That's All Folks

How'd I do? Have I sufficiently covered love? Probably not. I'm not the first to try to put words to his, nor will I be the last. This weird emotion that we all have inside of us (except Dick Cheney) has no real singular definition. It comes and it goes throughout our lives. Some of us will be lucky enough to love family, to love friends, to fall in love. It's all a matter if you have the capacity to reach into (metaphorically) that contorted tube-y mess of a blood-pumping organ and discover it.

This one is dedicated to Sarah Brothers, one of the most energetic, loving women to ever grace my life, and my mom's truest and best friend.