Socrates on exercise

“No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.” - Socrates

Ah what a superbly brilliant and pretentious quote. One that leads us to the supreme question, just how swole was the father of epistemology?

In all seriousness, I believe exercise is one of life's niceties, and certainly one of my favorites (even if my workout schedule looks like a roller coaster of ups, downs, and weird loops). If you live a comfortable enough life that you are able to expend surplus energy on getting into and staying in shape, then that ought to qualify as a nicety.

Exercise is of the utmost importance for a number of reasons, most obviously that it makes you healthier and live longer. But since this is not a health and fitness blog, I am not going to go further down the rabbit hole of the scientific benefits of proper diet and exercise.

Besides, we should really be honest with ourselves. We exercise for one very important personal reason: to look good naked. Anyone who tells you they do not exercise to be better looking is lying to you. We are a vain species and that's okay. After a few months of serious exercise, you will find yourself in front of a mirror shooting finger guns and giving your reflection the old "How you doin'?" Though maybe that's just me...

You're probably asking yourself already, "Wow, that is a pretty bold claim! What kind of study have you done to garner data proving your vanity hypothesis?" My answer? Absolutely none whatsoever. This is pure supposition. But it sure sounds good, doesn't it?

So listen to me, a weird internet stranger with less credibility than a New York hot dog stand attendant, and go to the gym. Go pick up some heavy pieces of metal, then put them back down in the same place. Hell, pick them up and move them someplace else (just remember to put them back, I will not be blamed for a sudden epidemic of people not re-racking their weights). Jump on a treadmill and get some sweat going. Use the elliptical for all I care, your phenomenal butt will thank you. Especially considering you'll be able to go up to people and say "Hey, I hope you're not a celiac. Cuz I ain't GLUTE-n free." (I expect royalties every time that gets said...)